


With Shaking Fingers

by beingawesome123 (beingawesome)



Series: YG's A/B/O Verse [1]
Category: Big Bang (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alpha T.O.P, Alpha Taeyang, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anorexia, Beta Daesung, Beta Seungri, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, M/M, Multi, Omega Jiyong, Proceed with caution, Triggers, heed the warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 04:04:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9530756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beingawesome/pseuds/beingawesome123
Summary: It's when things start to get really bad—when Seungri doesn't make it home until the wee hours of the morning, eyes shadowed and exhausted, bony fingers shaking (has he always been so thin?); when he refuses to eat with them even when he is home, despite Daesung's pleads; when he just draws in on himself like a clam shell hiding a beautiful pearl inside—that the members convene.





	

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. There are semi-graphic mentions of eating disorders that heavily resemble anorexia nervosa and bulimia. If you get triggered by this, please do not proceed.

****

It's been worrying them, for a while now. Seungri hasn't...well, he hasn't been himself recently. Their regular smiling, perky, maknae is nowhere to be seen anymore, and it hurts them all. He's important to them, like a little sibling, so when this happens, they can't help but grow concerned.

Jiyong, being the leader, has been understandably the most worried of them all. He can't remember the last time he's seen the younger man smile or laugh or _anything_ , really, and it pains him, despite his iron wall; Seungri has always been someone he can count on to bring cheer and joy inside the room and to see just the opposite is...disheartening to say in the least.

It's when things start to get really bad—when Seungri doesn't make it home until the wee hours of the morning, eyes shadowed and exhausted, bony fingers shaking ( _has he always been so thin?_ ); when he refuses to eat with them even when he _is_ home, despite Daesung's pleads; when he just draws in on himself like a clam shell hiding a beautiful pearl inside—that the members convene.

They need their maknae back.

"I'm starting to get worried," Quiet, serious Youngbae confesses in the dark of their practice room. Seungri's not with them, off at one of his photoshoots, "He's never been this withdrawn before."

"I know what you mean," Seunghyun sighs, itching at his arm absently, "It's like...he's like a living ghost at this point."

"Jiyong," Here, the leader looks up at Daesung's call, "What do we do?"

Indeed, what _can_ they do?

"Uh," He starts, pauses, scratching at his neck, "I think we can rule out confronting him."

Images of angry screams, teary eyes and silent pleas flicker behind closed eyelids.

"We need to find out what's going on first."

"But how?" Seunghyun poses the question, Youngbae nodding in agreement, "The possibilities are endless!"

"We'll need to split up?" Daesung offers and Jiyong thanks the stars that he's in his pack, "I feel like...I don't know, I think we'll need to look at his phone."

"That's a good idea," Jiyong nods sharply, mind whirring to life, "Everything's on phones these days and we know how much Seungri sticks to it through the day anyway."

"Apart from his phone, what do we do?" This time, it's Youngbae who speaks, a concerned furrow between his slim eyebrows.  Jiyong feels a rush of affection for his longtime friend.

"Poke around," He answers the Alpha simply, "Categorize his behavior. I think that should help as well."

"How're we splitting?" Seunghyun asks, face set in stone, and Jiyong looks at Daesung, the Beta nodding grimly.

"Daesung and I will check out the phone," Jiyong decides, smiling at the disgruntled expression crossing his Alpha's face, "Oh, come on babe, you can last without me."

"No I can't." Seunghyun snuggles into his neck, but Jiyong's used to it by now, stroking the older male's hair softly as he looks at Youngbae.

"You can do that, right Bae?" He asks, before a teasing smile attacks at his lips, "You're the only one I can trust to do this."

He pretends ignore the affronted ' _hey!_ ' from his mate, and the room is filled, for a brief second, with chuckles that quickly die out, the situation once again weighing on them.

The eldest members of Big Bang look at each other, eyes solemn.

It's time they acted like proper hyungs.

 

Their chance comes much later than they expect, easily a week or two. It pulls at them, saps their strength, to see their maknae further retreat into a shell with no space to hold him. He's their _everything_ , of course; even Jiyong's and Seunghyun's, despite their Mating. He's _theirs_.

 

"Maknae-yah," Jiyong calls him affectionately one late night, carding his hands through his black locks, "Why don't you hit the sack huh?"

Seungri doesn't react to the old nickname which rings warning bells but what really worries Jiyong is how he doesn't seem to react _at all_. It's like he doesn't even notice Jiyong's there.

"Yah, maknae," He snaps his fingers in front the younger's face, worry heightening at his unchanged expression, "Hey, Seungri!"

He catches the younger Beta by the shoulders, terrified when all he sees are glazed hazel eyes staring mistily at him.

"Seungri!" He shakes him a little, then more vigorously as he sees the Beta finally, _finally_ , come back to him, eyes fluttering, "Are you okay?"

The ' _what happened?_ ' hangs heavily in the air, as Seungri just shakes his head, his smile of ' _not-okay_ ' attacks weakly at his lips.

"Sorry, G-Leader," He says half-heartedly, getting up and walking to his room, "I think I'm tired. I'll go crash, yeah."

And when he closes the door behind him, Jiyong frowns.

 

 

"He wasn't even _looking_ at me!" Jiyong explains to the rest of the members the next day, hands tugging at his hair in worry. Seunghyun's gentle shoulder rubs aren't helping either, "He was just...it was like he was staring right _through_ me."

"That sounds..." Daesung frowns, while Youngbae shakes his head, "We need to find out what's happening. And fast."

 

 

Their chance arrives eventually, much to their relief. But that relief just dies out when Jiyong and Daesung _can't find anything_ on his phone, _nothing at all_ , and they're faced with a crisis when they feel like they're trapped in a box with no way out. No way to get to their maknae.

They focus on what Youngbae and Seunghyun were supposed to instead, and it seems like there's nothing there but him overworking himself. But they _know_ it's not true.

They resolve not to give up, _just keep looking_.

 

 

Jiyong's having a rough night, one of those where he's slumped over his computer, notebooks and stray papers scattered haphazardly over his desk. He's not at the studio, despite wanting to be, instead working on composing on one of his laptops at the dorm. Everyone is asleep, blanketed by the dark, and Jiyong wistfully thinks to himself that he should probably join them, the glare of the screen finally getting to his itchy, teary eyes.

And that’s when he hears it, the faint yet oddly distinct sound of heavy breathing, the rustle of fabric. His eyes widen fractionally, before he’s fully setting down the headphones and following the sound. He’s sure it’s probably Seunghyun with one of his weird midnight snack cravings again, but the sound isn’t coming from the kitchen. No, it’s…it’s coming from the bathroom.

His gut clenches.

Jiyong trails quietly at the dimly lit bathroom, hyperaware of every noise, the sound of uncomfortable breathing reaching his ears more clearly now and he doesn’t know what possesses him to push the door open with a silent creak.

And he freezes, hoping that he’s not actually seeing what he thinks he is.

Except his eyes aren’t betraying him and that’s Seungri hunched over the toilet silent, pale and shaking, wiping his mouth with trembling fingers, eyes just as wide as Jiyong’s. The Omega doesn’t know what to do first, opting to rush to the trembling Beta, rubbing a hand down his back.

“Are you okay?” He asks in a rush, words nearly slurring over each other in his hurry, “What’s wrong?”

“I-I’m fine, hyung,” Seungri speaks frigidly, almost drawing into himself, “Just…just a stomach bug, I guess.”

“You’re _sick_?!” Jiyong screeches immediately, feeling instantly disgusted with himself for not noticing his deteriorating health despite his self-proclaimed love for the maknae, “Oh my gosh, let’s get you to your room.”

His scream seems to have woken up Youngbae, because the Alpha shows up with bleary eyes and mouth parted in a half-yawn that quickly snaps shut, just as the alarm sets in.

“What’s wrong?” He panics, refraining from cursing as always, “Is Seungri sick? Are you sick?”

Jiyong doesn’t get to react as the youngest shrugs off his hand, getting unsteadily to his feet and beginning to walk away.

“I’m fine, hyungs.” He addresses them both quietly, steps unsteady as he starts retreating to his bedroom, “I-I’m fine—”

And he’s pausing, eyes seeming lost and confused and fluttering, and Jiyong can hardly get a word out before he’s folding in on himself, but luckily Youngbae manages to get him in time. The thin form sags in his arms and Youngbae doesn’t seem think before he’s scooping the limp boy up, setting him down in his bed once they’ve made it there.

“I’m worried about him.” Jiyong decides to be straightforward for once, “Something’s going on with him, _it’s so obvious now_ , but why does he keep pushing us away?”

“Is he sick?” Youngbae chooses to answer his question with another, in that infuriatingly calm way that he always does, “Because I don’t know what we _can_ do Ji, without making him feel barred out.”

This is the second time in his life that Jiyong wishes they had a Pack bond, all the members of Big Bang united in the way they should be, but regulations persist with their choking hold on them.

He can only sigh.

 

 

“Do you think, hyung,” Seungri speaks to Seunghyun one day as they’re resting during one of their photoshoots, “Do you think this suit fits me alright?”

Seunghyun turns at the normal question that’s posed to him literally every time, observing the younger with a critical eye, noting with a mild frown that it looks a little lumpy on his thin form.

“You look fine,” He claps Seungri on the shoulder, mouth set in a neutral line, “As always, maknae.”

 

“I don’t know what to do anymore.” Daesung sighs to Jiyong in the kitchen in the middle of the night as the Omega is scribbling notes into his book for their next album, hopefully, “He just…he’s not being normal anymore, he’s always avoiding us and I don’t know Ji, I think…I seriously think _something’s wrong_.”

“I think so too.” Jiyong agrees, eyes squeezing shut, “But when I think to myself ‘ _what can we do?_ ’ I draw a blank.”

“So, what _do_ we do?”

“Pray for a sign.”

 

Daesung’s heart pounds furiously at his chest as he clutches at his phone that resounds only empty silence tantalizingly into his ear, hands shaking as he swallows. There’s no way…no way…

But the headline glaring at him through his laptop screen says nothing but the opposite. Seungri’s been admitted to the hospital. _Seungri’s in the hospital_.

Seungri.

The hospital.

He briefly counts back to this conversation the two of them had way back, back when the Beta was still new to the 4 of them and trying so hard for their approval. Daesung had asked Seungri back then about what he feared the most. And the kid jokingly answered ‘ _hospitals_ ’ but there was something in his eyes that screamed of the truth in those words.

But the younger’s stuck there right now, and there’s no one around. Jiyong’s flown to Japan for a schedule, Youngbae’s been engaging in potential solo acts and Seunghyun’s busy modelling for magazines and everything. Daesung’s the only one left.

So he goes to visit the other Beta in his hospital room, hyperaware of small and fragile the maknae looks against the white walls and floors and sheets and _everything_ , his dark hair providing a stark contrast. Daesung hates it.

Seungri smiles at him tiredly from where he’s propped up, and jokingly asks, “You’re not here to yell at me, right? CEO-nim already beat you to it.”

But, Daesung’s serious when he says, “Never.”

He pulls out the food he’s made at home, still warm, Seungri’s favorite beef bowl neatly wrapped in foil, so doesn’t expect the younger member to flinch away, smile crawling up his lips like the phantom brushes along Daesung’s skin.

“Ah, I already ate hyung.” Seungri smiles up at him, eyes still looking so _dead_ , “But I love beef bowl, so just leave it there. I’ll eat it later.”

“Okay,” Daesung tries not to look too crestfallen as he sets it down on a table, “You said Yang-nim came by?”

“Ohh yeah,” Seungri nods enthusiastically, and that sparkle lights up, making Daesung’s heart calm, “And he was like ‘ _Seungri-yah_ ’—”

The rest of their afternoon passes by with jokes exchanged between the two of them, laughter filling their hearts for a little while.

Daesung eventually leaves, heart tearing a little at the saddened frown on Seungri’s lips, trying to get it out of his mind even as he leaves the building.

That’s the night of his accident.

 

 

Youngbae doesn’t hang out with Seungri as much as he’d like. So sometimes he tries to make some time for his youngest member, hitting the gym with him occasionally.

They’re doing the weights when Seungri asks him to help him out, and Youngbae’s laying a hand on his back and…has it always been so bony?

“Are you okay?” He hates how often he needs to be asking that, as a hyung he should just _know_ what Seungri’s feeling, “You look exhausted maknae, maybe you should take a break?”

“No hyung, I’m fine.” Something in his eyes hardens, and Youngbae instinctively growls, surprising both of them.

“Sorry,” He feels confused, “I’m not sure what’s going on with my wolf, I guess.”

“No, it’s okay.” Seungri stands up, blinking dizzily, before he’s chugging down a bottle of water, “I’m good, hyung.”

The younger leaves then, wishing Youngbae a good night. Youngbae doesn’t say anything—doesn’t _get to_ —and is left standing there by the weights, heart suspiciously heavier than before.

 

 

They’re sitting together in a small circle backstage after one of their mini-concerts.

Jiyong leans against Seunghyun, completely exhausted, layers of makeup clouding his features. It’s the most imperfect the members see him in a long time, the true Jiyong usually hid behind layers of fake confidence and charms.

Seunghyun, on the other hand, hardly looks fazed, eyes, in fact, alight with energy, as though drawn from the crowds. Seunghyun might usually not speak as much as Jiyong or Seungri, but he truly pulls out a high from the crowd, their love resounding strongly in his heart.

Youngbae’s using his phone, idly flicking through tweets that have them tagged in it, smiling occasionally when he sees overexcited posts about the members or the concert by the lucky fans who got to attend.

Daesung is just…there. His head is tilted back against the wall, over the crown of the couch, so that his throat is exposed to the cool air. At times, he jerks his head back when it gets too painful for him to maintain his position and he eventually gives up sighing. He’s bored, especially after the rush he’s got from the concert. To do just nothing is…strange.

Without realizing, the members are waiting for something. They just aren’t sure what it is.

However, when Jiyong’s gaze drifts to Seungri, he gets an inkling of the answer.

The younger is curled into a ball in the corner of the other couch, eyes slipped shut and eyelashes a stark contrast against his bony cheekbones. He’s unmoving, save for the slow, unsteady, rise and fall of his chest and is _so silent_ that it just feels _wrong_.

And then, that’s when it occurs to them that _that’s_ the problem. Seungri is usually the one to initiate peppy talks after or before their concerts, beaming smile almost a permanent fixture on his youthful face. But he’s different now and they feel cold, like their personal ball of fire has been snuffed out by something from the darkness.

But what?

“Hey, Seungri.” Daesung wobbles over to the younger, placing a careful hand on the Beta’s shoulder, to no avail because he starts, eyes flying open, “Whoa, I didn’t mean to startle you!”

“No, that’s okay hyung, it was my fault,” Seungri smiles tiredly at Daesung, but it doesn’t _feel_ _right_ , “What did you need?”

“Just wanted to ask if you’re okay?” Daesung doesn’t mean to phrase it as a question, but it ends up that way when he sees an almost imperceptible flinch from the maknae.

“I’m okay, hyung.”

“Are…are you sure?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Hey, don’t you think you’re being a little disrespectful?” Youngbae doesn’t sound angry, but more faithful to his idea of formalities that everyone understands and respects, so it’s a little surprising when Seungri just snaps back at him.

“I’m not being disrespectful,” Seungri narrows his eyes, but still manages to look so frail, “I’m just saying that I’m _okay_ and that you guys need to stop bothering me about it.”

“Hey,” Seunghyun gets up at this, someone who’s never been too good at controlling the Alpha inside him, “What are you trying to say?”

Seungri’s pupils are dilated as he glares at Seunghyun, unwilling to change his stance even as the heady scent of _Alpha_ wafts through the air in an attempt to get him to submit.

Daesung moves, _finally_ , when he sees Jiyong blinking blearily in the corner of his eyes, when he remembers that Omegas can’t stand these kinds of atmospheres regardless of whether they’re Mated or not.

“Stop, Seunghyun.” He says as firmly as he can, daringly resting an arm on the male’s arm, then says softly, “You’re hurting Jiyong.”

And the scent immediately leaves, Seunghyun immediately rushing to Jiyong’s side and checking to see if he’s okay, while Seungri rushes out of the room. Youngbae just looks at him with surprised eyes, jaw tense.

And it’s later, when Daesung points it out, that they all realize that Seungri looked more winded than Jiyong did.

 

 

The day finally comes when they figure it out. And they wish they didn’t.

 

 

It starts at a private dinner with their CEO.

They’re seated around a circular table in some fancy restaurant that Jiyong couldn’t be bothered with, when Yang Hyun Sik finally arrives, flat mouth, for once, upturned.

“Hello kids!” He greets them unnaturally nicely, and they all exchange confused greetings of their own back, “Did you order yet?”

“No.” Jiyong speaks for them, gaze drifting over each of them one by one, before it lands on their maknae, who’s looking paler than usual, “We were waiting for you, hyung.”

“Ah, I see.” The man grins, all sharp teeth, before he’s gesturing at them to _look at the menu, order whatever you want; it’s on me_!

Jiyong scans over the card, hand casually resting on Seunghyun’s thigh as he does. He glances to his left and sees Seungri staring blankly at the wall, and nudges him carefully, suddenly overcome with a terrible vision of what happened the last time he tried snapping the boy out of a trance. Luckily, this time, Seungri’s eyes immediately snap to him, and he points at the menu laid neatly over the table.

“Ah, hyung,” the Beta smiles, “I’ve already eaten a bunch before, I’m not really hungry.”

“Nonsense.” Jiyong argues back quietly, to escape the CEO’s notice, “C’mon maknae, it’s free food! You wouldn’t want to pass _that_ up, would you?”

His gaze sharpens when the younger’s grin falters, turning hesitant, “I don’t know hyung, I…I’m really not that—”

“Seungri.” Jiyong growls lowly, _actually growls_ , “Order something.”

In the end, he orders a simple tomato soup and not meat like the rest of them.

This dinner is considerably more awkward than the rest, because Seungri’s not cracking the jokes he usually does, but the atmosphere changes when Daesung decides to do so instead. It’s not the same though, and even their CEO notices.

“Oi, Seungri-yah,” The Alpha looks at him, brows furrowed, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes hyung,” Seungri grins feebly, “I’m just a little tired after running around today…”

 _That’s strange_. Jiyong doesn’t recall him ever leaving his room during the day anymore.

“Hm.” Is the only answer he receives.

 

They all pile up into the car when it’s time to return to the dorms, with Seungri tumbling out first, Seunghyun following soon after. Youngbae needs to squeeze himself out from the middle, so it takes a while for him to get out after Daesung and Jiyong.

“Go to bed, Seungri-yah.” Youngbae calls as he enters the dark room, “You looked really tired today.”

“Yeah, hyung, I was planning on it!” Seungri says back, before leaving the room with the slam of his door.

Youngbae looks to his right, noting that Jiyong’s frowning thoughtfully, face pale.           

“What’s wrong?” He asks, gut churning uneasily, “Why…why have you got that look on your face?”

Jiyong just looks at him grimly, mouth set in a thin line, before he’s grabbing him by the wrist and tugging him into his and Seunghyun’s shared bedroom.

“Ji?” The other rapper looks startled as he pries his gaze away from the book that’s currently resting on his lap, “What’s going on?”

“I think…” Jiyong starts, but goes quiet for a beat, “I think I know what’s wrong with Seungri.”

“What do you mean?” The three of them startle at the creak of the door, realize it’s Daesung and relax, “Sorry.”

“No it’s fine.” Jiyong perches him atop the bed while Youngbae takes one of the chairs, Daesung taking the other, “But, doesn’t Seungri seem…thinner?”

“Thinner?” Seunghyun frowns from beside him, finally taking off his reading glasses, “Ji, what’s going on?”

“Just…just _answer_ the question.” Jiyong presses.

There’s a moment of silence as everyone attempts to recollect their thoughts.

“Well,” Seunghyun starts, “He _was_ looking pretty thin when we had a photoshoot a week ago, I think. He hasn’t been sleeping well, has he?”

“Did he act differently?”

“…No?”

“He doesn’t eat the food you’ve cooked anymore, does he Dae?” Jiyong turns to Daesung now, eyes dark.

“No, he does,” Daesung argues back, eyebrows furrowed, “He…well, he saves it for later.”

“Do you actually see him _eat_ it?”

“I…” He is at a loss for words, but Jiyong’s tone is starting to get to him, “Just what’re you going on about, Ji?”

Jiyong, for the first time in a _long_ time, looks genuinely distressed, and they can actually _smell_ it in the air. Seunghyun reacts immediately, wrapping an arm around his Mate in an attempt to calm him, but Jiyong’s pushing him away, taking a deep breath.

“He…do you guys see any similarities between what you’ve told me?”

A few beats pass, before it begins to dawn on Youngbae, and he turns to Jiyong with growing horror festering in his eyes.

“Ji, don’t tell me…”

“What is it?” Seunghyun’s frowning, “He just sounds stressed out.”

“Stressed—” Jiyong chokes out, before tilting his head back, catching the light against his glossy black hair, “Stressed out? Hyun, he’s…he’s not _eating_ anything! And…and that night, Youngbae,”

Here, he meets the Alpha’s eyes tremulously.

“I don’t think he had a stomach bug.”

“Fuck, Ji, do you know _what you’re saying_?” Youngbae runs his hand through his choppy hair once he sees the realization dawn in Daesung’s eyes, “Do you have _any idea_?!”

“I’ve been observing him,” Jiyong bites back here, eyes alight with fury and terror, “Just tonight he didn’t eat anything! He ordered soup, hardly took a bite and…”

He stops then, raising his eyes slowly to the doorway, seeing the maknae, pale and shaking, through the crack of the door.

“Seungri…” Jiyong gets up, swearing when the Beta steps back and starts running, before he’s chasing after him, “Hey! WAIT!”

“Fuck.” Seunghyun swears, getting to his feet while Daesung springs up, panic forming in his eyes.

“We need to stop him.”

Youngbae is just completely floundered, but his feet take him automatically in the direction of the others, and they find a panting Jiyong outside their room.

“Where is he?” Daesung demands, eyes wide, “Did he get away?”

“I don’t know.” Jiyong looks frazzled, like he’s about to bawl and Seunghyun decides this is the time he needs to take over.

“Okay, we’ll need to split up,” He pauses, “Bae, check the cafeteria, Dae: the parking lot. He might have taken the car. Ji, you’re with me.”

The other members nod, the fear highlighted in every movement, before they’re running in the directions of their respective destinations, urgency burning through each one of them.

“Where are we going?” Jiyong asks Seunghyun quietly as they quickly climb the stairs, “The roof?”

“Yeah.” Seunghyun says nothing more, and Jiyong doesn’t press further.

 

They push against the door, opening it with a bang, only to be greeted with silence. Jiyong looks disheartened almost immediately, opening his mouth to say something, but Seunghyun just shakes his head, before beckoning him to keep close.

He remembers, from a while ago, that he and Seungri came to this rooftop when everything seemed to be going wrong, slipping through their fingers and tunneling a route of sadness for them. Seungri confessed to him there, that day, of his fear, his fear of never being good enough.

 

“I’m not as valuable as the rest of you, hyung,” His mouth is downturned as he looked up, sad smile gracing his features, “That’s why I got kicked out in the first place: I’m replaceable.”

“Stop being dumb,” Seunghyun hits him lightly on the head, “You’re not.”

“Okay, TOP!” The man nods teasingly, before ducking a well-timed swing, “Can’t catch me, can you?”

And it’s all laughs from there.

 

“Seungri-yah?” He asks to the silence, “Seungri, where are you?”

There’s nothing, only silence, but he takes it in stride, making his way across the rooftop, toward the mini gym. He doesn’t walk inside though, instead maneuvering around it, and finding, much to his relief, the male huddled up against the wall.

“Seungri…” Jiyong breathes out tumultuously, before he’s dropping to his knees in front of him, eyes sad, “Maknae, look at me.”

And Seungri looks, because he never could deny the Omega, letting them see his eyes, glazed over with unshed tears, and filled with _so much hurt_ and _so much pain_.

“H-hyung…” He chokes out, and isn’t given any time before he’s being embraced tightly by Jiyong.

Seunghyun crouches as well, despite hating to do that; but, he reasons, Seungri needs him. And he could never abandon the young male.

“Why’d you come up here?” Seunghyun asks, tries to do it as soothingly as he can and is grateful when Seungri doesn’t react negatively, when the smaller blonde just presses his face into Jiyong’s neck.

“Do you hate me now?” He answers with a question, something Seunghyun’s always found annoying but doesn’t have the heart to protest against, “Please don’t leave me, please.”

“L-leave?” Jiyong’s hands cup the Beta’s face and, under normal circumstances, Seunghyun would be jealous but not now; even his wolf recognizes that Seungri’s no threat, urges him to make him a part of his Pack, “Ri, we’d…we’d _never_ leave you.”

“Don’t lie,” Seungri’s shaking, Seunghyun can feel the tremors, “ _Please_ , just…tell me the truth, hyung.”

“We’re not.” Seunghyun places a careful hand on his bony shoulder, heart constricting when he realizes just how much weight the younger’s lost, something he should have noticed as a hyung, “We wouldn’t ever leave.”

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it, hyung.” Seungri’s not looking at them, or looking _anywhere_ really, as he whispers into the cold of the night, “Please don’t do this to me.”

“Seungri, Seunhyunnie,” Jiyong covers his hand in his own, and Seunghyun is content to let the Omega attempt to handle him, “Listen to me baby, we really do love you.”

“Why would you do this?” Seunghyun slowly traces a thumb along the ( _too skinny_ ) wrist, unbreakable heart starting to chip away, “Why?”

“I’m so useless,” The words seem to fall easily— _too_ easily—from their maknae’s mouth, and he looks like he regrets saying them the second they fill up the silence, but it’s like those words have broken something, because he presses on, “I’m-I’m tired of being the one to weigh our group down, and I d-don’t have any special skills or anything to m-make people like me, and-and…I don’t even look as good as the rest of you guys, and it’s so disgusting, I just…I want to be _better_ for you guys.”

Jiyong has never been an easy crier, but he’s shaking now, sniffling quietly into the nape of Seungri’s neck. Seunghyun has never been one for hugging, but he pushes that inhibition to the back of his mind, wrapping his long arms around the both of them, feeling a little misty-eyed himself.

“Hyung is so sorry,” He whispers to their shaking Beta, carding a hesitant hand through the newly-dyed blond tresses, “So sorry.”

“You’re perfect,” Jiyong breathes into his hair, meeting Seunghyun’s eyes, “Absolutely perfect.”

And Seungri just breaks in their arms.

 

They eventually end up having that band meeting, where Youngbae and Daesung envelop their maknae with open arms and teary smiles. Seungri just ends up falling asleep against Daesung’s shoulder, making all of them smile, but the worry remains locked in their hearts.

They need to help him, and fast.

 

 

 

The recovery ends up being the hardest part. Nothing goes right at first, Seungri still blanching at the sight of food, eyes tearing up, but they try to do their best. Youngbae takes over cooking for a while, making simple dishes in order to coax him to eat, _just a bite Seungri-ah_.

Jiyong takes up researching to make himself feel better about the situation, but it has the opposite effect from what is intended, and he pales every time he thinks about it. The fact that if they didn’t notice until later, Seungri‘s heart could have stopped, just plays on his mind over and over again at night and he can’t drive it out until he’s in Seungri’s bed, hand pressed against the maknae’s chest, feeling the slow, steady heartbeat signaling to him that _he’s there, he’s alive_.

Seunghyun ends up spending most of his time with him, jokingly calling him Little-Seunghyun when they want to hang out, and Seungri usually doesn’t laugh at them which makes him frown. But he starts smiling again soon, and despite it not being the same, Seunghyun’s heart fills up with hope. Daesung and him both work double the amount just so they make the Beta happy again, with Daesung agreeing to binge on dramas just to see Seungri smile again.

It’s difficult when they see him hunched over the bathroom sink, heaving for breath and eyes watery as he looks at them through the mirror.

“I’m sorry hyung,” He cries, pressing the palm of his hand against his eyes, “I keep messing up, I’m sorry.”

Jiyong wants him to get help—professional help—but the rest of them disagree at the sight of Seungri’s pale expression, nearly tripping over themselves to reach him and assure him that _no, we’re here for you_.

But Yang Hyun Suk somehow finds out, as he always does.

And they don’t even know about it until they come home to an empty dorm and a note with shaky handwriting informing them that Seungri’s in the Office.

Jiyong nearly knocks the door down, scary Alpha secretary be damned, in his haste to reach the Beta, hackles up at the thought of anyone, even their CEO, causing him distress. He sees Seungri curved over in his chair, shoulders shaking, when his vision goes red, and Seunghyun needs to physically hold him back to he doesn’t murder their Boss.

It turns out those tears were not of sadness, but relief; the infamous boss tells them, with a sad smile, to take care of Seungri well.

“Aish, Seungri-yah,” He pats the maknae’s shoulder, “Do well.”

He also arranges for someone to counsel the younger, despite his wishes.

“I don’t _want_ to go!” He screams at Youngbae, who just shakes his head, and offers him his arm.

“We don’t exactly have a choice, maknae-yah,” Youngbae informs him tiredly, “Besides, you might actually end up liking your sessions.”

 

He doesn’t, not until he sees just how _tired_ he’s made everyone look. He needs to get better, for them at least.

 

 

It takes over a year to build up his confidence again, but he isn’t the same ever-smiling Seungri that everyone remembers; his smile is still fragmented, slated, but there’s some light in his eyes, for once not overtaken by the darkness. Jiyong still sleeps in his bed though, which makes Seunghyun jealous sometimes, but it’s all worth it when they see their maknae coming back to them, piece by distorted piece.

He’s not the same, but they don’t mind one bit, not when he’s trying so hard for them.

And now, when one of them says, “ _We love you, maknae_.” He doesn’t refute it, smiling back forlornly as he answers, shakily, “ _I know_.”


End file.
